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Are you still on the bench judging others?

“It’s impossible to really understand the “why” behind the “what” that people do. Attributing other people’s strange behaviors to evil motives adds extra misery to life, while assuming good intentions leaves you open to reconciliation.”

We can’t read minds and we don’t have everyone wired to a lie detector. We have no idea what anyone else is really thinking of or why people do what they do. “In most cases people are doing the best they can with resources they’ve got.” (Geoffrey James).

For years I’ve tried to adopt this principle with many of my clients and especially with myself but found it to be a rigid dichotomy between rational psychology and real life.

Countless times, I’ve tried to tell people to stop complaining about their lives, personal problems, financial problems, and health problems that so many tend to do. People complain about every aspect of their life, especially new immigrants after they get into trouble. Instead of complaining I tell them it’s time to work on a plan to solve these problems because complaining and procrastinating without taking immediate action to solve them will only perpetuate the situation.

I have learned how relatively easy is to tell people the obvious but how difficult it is to make them implement this advice.

In general, people come to me after they have created a problem or after they got into a difficult situation. They all come to me hoping I can solve their problems or at least make their lives easier. It is not easy for me to break the news to people that are already suffering and are enduring pain that the process to get out of the situation they are in is going to be also painful and require a lot of work.

You cannot control

Do not try to control events that are outside your “control zone” because it will cause you even more disappointments and additional pain. You have control only on your own actions but not other people’s actions. Therefore, concentrate all your efforts on changing whatever you can – Yourself and your reactions to events happening around you, even when you don’t like or don’t want these events to take place.

Starting Fresh is about hard work and not miracles

The good news is that most problems (except some health issues) can be solved with hard work, good sense and a lot of patience. Sometimes a person cannot do it all alone and requires external help to achieve the real goal that is to start fresh, a new page, a new chapter in life after solving their current problems.

A good lawyer today must be more than just an expert in law

A good lawyer in our society is defined today as an expert in real life, an expert dealing with people, and an expert with the system. A lawyer must know how to work “in between” or as I like to put it: a good lawyer must be like a good “janitor”. Someone cleaning up after the mess as fast as possible with the minimum possible pain to the client.

Here are two issues I would like to bring to prove my point:


Contracts are a bunch of words put together, sometimes too many words, sometimes way too vague and almost always a “guessing game”. You guess the other side has the same good faith as you and will respect the contract as you intend to do.

A good lawyer must look behind the scenes and behind the words. A good lawyer must understand your needs and with his knowledge know what is possible or impossible by law, adapting your needs to the law, finding the breaches wherever possible, and giving you the best legal advice and counseling on the pitfalls and how to avoid them.

Bankruptcy and debts:

Because debts are a crucial problem (not only to new immigrants) and due to the fact that the State is always trying to find a better solution and a more balanced solution, a new law has recently come into effect. This law will change many rules of the game (חוק חדלות פירעון ושיקום כלכלי, תשע”ח-2018) for better, or for worse depends on who you ask.

A lawyer must of course know the new law but also the idea behind the law.

Before it’s too late try to avoid bankruptcy but if there is no other solution start the process as soon as possible – don’t wait!

Happiness can be created or destroyed. It is entirely up to you. The more worried and faithless you are, the more depressed you will become. This type of mindset will lead to achieving nothing- no solutions to your problems and no happiness that usually is just waiting around the corner once a problem is finally solved.

Tzvi Szajnbrum was born in Brazil in 1957 and made Aliya (immigrated) to Israel in 1977. He is a licensed Attorney & Notary and professional mediator.

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